eHarmony eMale

 

I’m usually fascinated by subjects that don’t immediately urge me to place an opinion. Online dating is one of those … a few weeks ago, I had dinner with an old friend and during our long conversation she said "I’ve put a profile on one of these dating sites and I go on a lot of dates with strange guys". For some unknown reason our conversation temporarily got to a tongue-tied place after that disclosure …

… eating …
… long silence …
… eating more …
… awkward silence again …
… eating with vengeance …
… not looking at each other, but continuing to eat …
… heaving a sigh …

"Why don’t you say anything? You always have an opinion" said she! I really didn’t know what to say. I had no opinion one way or the other! She continued by asking "Have you ever dated online?" … "No" I replied and explained the reason by saying "it’s difficult for women to know me after years in relationship, how could such motionless correspondence work for me? Besides, People use ‘I’ a lot and sometimes they pretend to be someone else, and …". She didn’t like what I said and passionately challenged me by saying "Why don’t you try to write something honest about yourself that doesn’t include ‘I’ too much?"

Ever since then, I have been thinking about that petite and clumsy interaction. Mainly, I’ve been trying to find the main reason behind the silence! I could be really straight forward with her, sadly, I had nothing to say. On the one hand, there are indeed some (on-the-surface) success stories. On the other hand, there are many reservations about meeting potential lovers online.

Love by concept, is highly circumstantial and contingent. They are few and far between, but there are people out there whose introductions reflect their personality in ways which are rare, fictitious, and unique. Filled with visual appeal and literary charm, they break preconceived molds allowing the world to get a glimpse of their matchlessness and substance. I still can’t frame my mind around the subject despite the fact that there are not many things that make me happier than knowing one of my friends has found a committed lover.

That being said, I took my friend’s challenge very seriously and tried to put something together if I ever had to introduce myself online. Here it is:

((   My name is Kamran, a man who bathes every day, believes in princesses, quality women, and other fantasy creatures – but fortunately, you don’t have to kiss the frog to discover me. My understanding is that women often seem to be like phones: they like to be held and talked to, but if you press the wrong button you’ll be disconnected. Willingness to share the remote, jumping on Opera’s couch, and vacuuming the house are amongst my compromises — when in a loving relationship. Giving gifts is an incomparable gesture for me, however, it is my belief that electrical appliances, cooking utensils, or lanterns are not adequate gifts for a lover. There is indeed a mischievous inner child in me. While opening the door for you, my inner child might tempt me to trip you on the way in. Like a dream job, excellent benefits will be paid by me but you have to pay taxes. I support you like your bra, tirelessly and as long as necessary, and you better show up at my soccer games and watch me yelling at and with 22 adult men. Last not least, if we end up in a relationship, I’m willing to lie about how we met! ))

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