In Seattle, fall and winter are breakup time. Almost everyone breaks up with his/her mate specially if they have been dating more than a couple of years. People go thru such cliché relationships not knowing why they got into it in the first place and they get out of it not knowing what just happened.
They tend to call these hormonally-charged emotions "Love". They break up saying such tacky Hollywood phrases like "I love you but I’m not in love with you". It makes me puke when I see how Seattleites abuse such strong and profound word like "Love".
Having read another article about stages of love, I tried to document my observations about the whole "Love" situation. This is "Love" the way I see it:
1- Falling in Love: In the beginning the world is great. The sun is shining. Couples love each other because they make each other Feel good. Accomplishments are considered huge even if the guy’s job is flipping burgers. Flaws are cute even if the girl has an attitude bitchier than Courtney Love.
2- Being in Love: The accepted rule is that Giving to each other, makes each person happy. So couples give little gifts to each other at this stage. They invent stupid cute names for each other like "Boomi" or "Parpar". They love each other for who they are not how they feel.
3- Expecting Love: They feel safe, protected, secure, content. They are not afraid to reveal their vulnerabilities to each other. So they Expect each other to understand or guess certain things without communication. They have come to expect certain actions, reaffirmations, and validations.
4- Hiding from Love: One withdraws from the other, forming a impenetrable wall of protection from the pain s/he feels. The pain and hurt one feels that one gave of one’s love so freely, and did not have it neither validated nor appreciated.
5- Falling Out of Love: One’s heart is heavy and empty. S/he feels betrayed, hurt, resentful. The sun has stopped shining. S/he has fallen out of love.
There is a proverb that says "men fall in love thru eyes, and women fall in love thru ears". Regardless of the gender and who falls in love how, keeping a relationship is the art of those little touches that not many people have. In my view, long-lasting relationships are the ones where couples hang in the cycle of "Being in Love" and "Expecting Love". If one gets close to the stage of Hiding Love from another, it’s all over.
Hey Ashley: you want a long-lasting love? Hang in there, don’t cut-and-run from "Boomi" …
This is just brilliant! You have amazing insight Kamran. Thanks for sharing it with all of us.