People come in different flavors: smart, greedy, careless, benign, pretentious, incomprehensible, selfish, influential, compassionate, cold, amiable, iffy, flaky, fair, snappy, reasonable, boring, trustworthy. They come and go in waves and in different wavelengths. Though, there seem to be a very tiny set of individuals who leave you in a moral maze, forcing you to enrich your talent for survival, and teach you to cut and run from cut-and-run.

Trust as the main ingredient of friendship, evolves! By definition, trust is an act of reliance that establishes predictability in our interactions. Unfortunately, trust and its associated credit is highly fragile. There is this accepted notion that: it only takes one moment of doubtful encounter to fracture a trustworthy relationship, which is usually something that’s taken years to establish … “Oh yeah, absolutely correct!” people respond to that notion. People even don’t blink to agree with such idea as if it’s a tenet. Well, it is not, it’s only a human behavior that’s become a mediocre norm. The rush to discredit is rooted in our insecurity and is more or less, a protective mechanism.

One of the most common patterns of breaking trust is when people get into heated arguments. We always lose things when there is fire. But, there are those teeny-tiny set of individuals who teach you lessons by being on the abnormal side of the norm. My late friend Hamid was one of them. He left us four years ago. There are many attributes and traits of his that could describe him, but certainly, the most intriguing and unique characteristic of his, was the fact that he was forgiving. So much so that, he never expected to predict his friends behaviors, but he trusted them anyway. He always put all the weight on himself, and never expected much from others. He was sincere, but perhaps, too sincere for his own good. His transition to the better place was our fire, and his presence was what we lost in that fire.

Hamid is now smiling. When someone smiles, it’s a disconcerting cause for celebration …

Cheers,

It has become such repetitive theme and like a broken record. They listen to the music and ask “Who is this? Where can I get it from?”. So I decided to add another list to the blog on the top-right side and call it “Rife Tracks”. The name of the songs and artists are provided, and are clickable.

The idea was born based on the feedback from:

                                                                Shelli                 Rebecca

                                                                           Behnam          Tanya

                                                                     Aida           Lisa

Complexity kills! Except for, rejuvenating complexities of an artistic expression.

An article requires balanced choice of words, smooth flow, and relevance of sentences. A smart piece of writing includes internal references and an element of surprise – where the main message isn’t lost in all the innovative features. A perfect script is an awfully multifaceted and complex piece of art.

Visual arts go down as a sea of complexities all by their own merits. Involvement of three dimensional (and in some cases moving) objects, light patterns reflected from those objects, and creativity drawn in representation by means of lines and colors, are only a few aspects of a dreadfully convoluted process called visual arts.

Music is ultimately an expression of the feelings and inner-thoughts that can’t be verbally expressed. The process of composing music requires an initial structure, position of highs and lows, tempo, rhythm, and melody. All all of the above should be organized in time and on top of sonic qualities of texture and reverberation.

Combining script writing, visual arts, and music formulates cinema. Set aside, shooting, editing, and theatrical aptitude. It is by all means a complex process. The History of a Sign (original name: Historia de Un Letrero) is a six minutes short film presented in Cannes Film Festival. Every time you watch this short movie, there is something new to discover. The music (by Ennio Morricone), the message, focus on shoes, the beggar, and the flow of the story are all there to convey a message. It may move you to tears in the end, but the main story hides deep in the references of the film to Il Postino. Enjoy!

  

Webster defines the word “Perfect” as : not lacking or faulty in any particular. It implies the soundness and the excellence of every part, element, meeting all requirements, or quality of a thing frequently as an unattainable or theoretical state. Perfect is being complete of its kind and without defect or blemish.

There are many requirements to a perfect party. People, food, music, drinks, venue, time, … to call a few. And on top of all that, the art of harmonizing it all together to create good times. Now, why people would serve caviar in a paper plate is beyond me. To clarify, I don’t like caviar. It is too heavenly for guys like me – who dearly dig chicken wings and beer. But, I can’t help myself not thinking about the details and logic behind the decisions that led to the combination of “caviar” and “paper plate”. Most definitely, caviar is an expensive delicacy, so money hasn’t been an issue. It also makes people who provide it look upmarket and luxuriant. Caviar in a paper plate, leaves me with the only option of thinking that the host is both pretentious and lazy — as s/he doesn’t want to worry about the dishes afterward.

As I said, I really don’t care about caviar but I do take my drinks very seriously. No one can ever ask me to drink beer in a wine glass or a plastic cup. I refuse to do it. The whole concept is flawed by definition to say the least. If one wants to throw a perfect party, one needs at least four types of glassware:

1- Coupe : for short drinks

2- Double : for mixed drinks

3- Flute: for Champaign

4- Highball : for water, beer, or high ratio mix spirit

On a more serious note, the gap between “good” and “perfect” isn’t much. One flawed particular, qualification, or requirement is enough to make a perfect thing, a good one. This concept applies to every aspect of our lives, not just the parties.

The weather and the confluence of some events have made me focus on significance of several insignificant trends. Some individuals never fail to fascinate me, especially when it comes to their choices in social settings.

At times, people make choices in order to be perceived in certain way by design. But there are times when they just want to be comfortable, so the driving force behind the choice is their contentment. I, personally, find the former funnier than the latter – when things go wrong.

Either way, this is how I perceive you if you act in certain way:

 

• Red Drinks – make you look like a guy who got divorced recently, and suddenly wants to socialize and look cool
• White pants – make you look like captain Kirk when encountering future Starfleet officers
• Sandals with Socks – it screams “Dork” and it makes you look like an Italian bus driver in Perugia. What I don’t get, though, is the point of wearing sandals is mainly to expose your feet to the fresh air. Don’t socks kind of defeat that purpose? If it’s too cold for bare skin, why the heck are you wearing sandals?
• The Croc – it makes your foot look like a plastic hoof. How can anyone take a Croc-wearing man seriously?
• Yellow Cars – make you look like the owner of a strip club called Purple Beaches
• Cell Phone on a belt clip – Nothing says “Jackass” quite as well
• Bicycle Shorts – let’s face it; unless you’re on a bicycle side-by-side with Lance Armstrong, there is no reason to ever wear bicycle shorts
• Wife-beaters: If you want to dress as if you never got out of bed, just stay in bed

Be more amazed!

 

 

It’s been a long time since my last posting. Generally, I write because writing allows me to be relentless. Through the process of writing, I can accurately unravel things and put them back together. That’s a hazardous exercise. Like any other creative process, writing could be fragile because you’re always at the edge – trying to constantly reassess the danger-free zone. In that context, first hand experimentation of the things we write about, could be destructive in real life – because mystery could simply become confusion.

The fact is, I started posting my writings on this blog because I wanted some people to read them. In a mischievous way, I have been hoping that some people would read my postings more than others. Because, there has always been a real story behind everything I wrote. Except, I’ve been unfailingly faithful to "the code" of not mentioning names. Because, the discussion should always be about the problem and not about the people. Last weekend, I had a come-to-Jesus moment with myself. I thought I can’t stop writing just because it takes a long time and great deal of energy to abstract problems away from people …

… every good idea starts like a boutique. You do your thing in the corner, and you get noticed after a while. And then, the attention becomes a problem either by the virtue of perception, or by the state of preference. I know my writing style could be perceived as if I critique a great deal. But read my postings as if: it is just you, me, and a beer …

Seattle grows on you. The grumpy weather, everyone’s tendency to cocoon, and of course the polite but distant Seattleites with the attitude of "have a nice day, somewhere else". The last one being the most interesting subject for me as it feeds my fussy and choosy tendencies.

Seattleites mostly commune through talking to coworkers or someone random – hoping the conversation will last beyond the third sentence. Women go to brunch or happy hours, with potential friends, being just like "Sex and the City" she’ll be Charlotte, you’ll be Carrie! Guys drink local hoppy beer with bitterness and aroma in the corner bars with wooden stools. "Seattle is like that popular girl in high school. The one who gets your vote for homecoming queen because she always smiles and says hello. But she doesn’t know your name and doesn’t care to".

In such city, if you’re a product of your environment, the concept of friendship tips over to something new that’s reminiscent of submitting to a shotgun wedding, rather than picking your suitor. In Seattle, friends are mostly of fellow transplants. They are very nice in passing situations, but beyond that there’s a wall, and there is mistrust. In other cities or countries, there are people around you constantly. They come over and hang out and then they hang out some more. Those are the times you really get to know people and develop friendship.

Friendship is a byproduct of trust, awareness of feelings of others, and to a lesser extent: frequent interaction no matter how deep or meaningful. You can take the bar for friendship as high/low as you want, you can categorize people to friends, acquaintance, or best friends, and you can play with words as much as you want, but, there is value and a sense of appreciation in a familiar face. That’s just human nature.

It leaves me all baffled about what friendship will look like in a few years in this carefree city. It seems like it’s declining in quality, even though I now have a few hundred online friends who poke me everyday.

The other day, I sat down with a friend to talk about a problem. While having a beer, I described the context, told the story, and explained my issues with some of the details of the story. I also rationalized that those issues bother me because they’re fundamentally against my values. He listened to me for almost half an hour. I thought I actually did a pretty good job laying out my case – naively hoping, he would draw his own conclusions and that would help me get a balancing perspective on the issues. Instead, his response was "What doesn’t kill you, make you stronger" and then silence … I felt betrayed and was one second away from saying "no shit!" … I was looking for the smallest indication of a brain on the other side.

Arguments and discussions, if carried out logically, are the most educating forms of communication. They usually include facts, premises, and assumptions. A logical and practical way of getting engaged in a discussion is to accept the facts, validate the assumptions, and embrace or argue against the premises. That’d be a meaningful discussion.

People have become so consumed and comfortable with empty expressions that add no value to the conversation. Hollow phrases and proverbs like "Life is short", "Everything happens for a reason", and "what doesn’t kill you, makes you stronger" do not hold any logical or commonsensical significance in any discussion because they can be an answer to anything – without actually validating, embracing, or challenging any specifics. There is no doubt that the value of a story or discussion resides in its details. One feels heard and listened to when the listener reflects on the details of the narrative.

To make it a little more fun, let me actually prove that some of these proverbs are incomplete, inaccurate, and/or incorrect:

"Life is short" :
Whose life? How short is short? Two years or hundred years? Lack of what specification makes our lives short? If each of us could live two hundred years, would that be long enough? Is life short for having more fun, or is it short for collecting more knowledge? The fact is that life is not that short, it’s not even relatively short in comparison with the life of a butterfly. The people who use this expression are the ones who want to make an excuse to be less thoughtful and more irresponsible.

"What doesn’t kill you, makes you stronger" :
What does "strong" mean? Physical or mental strength? Are we only talking about physical death? How about emotional or mental death? Are people really stronger after massive emotional or mental declines? Heroin addiction doesn’t immediately kill you, but while you’re alive are you stronger because of it? Have you ever experienced or felt the prolong pain involved in loss of a child? Psychological and mental research of parents who have lost a child proves that they are less resilient and more vulnerable against emotional hardship. They are never emotionally stronger for the rest of their lives.

"Everything happens for a reason" :
Everything does not happen for "a reason". Everything happens for multiple reasons and that’s the root of Einstein’s relative theory. The challenge isn’t to find out whether or not there are reasons. The challenge is to know the quantity and nature of those reasons and the direction thru which you can identify them. Individuals who believe in this proverb generally find themselves in hard situations. They tend to think there is a "good" reason behind a "bad" incident. The contrast of a "good thing" versus a "bad incident" that is presently in occurrence, makes them believe that something good will eventually happen in the future, and that is the prize of the current hardship. They’re also comfortable not knowing what that "good thing" is, and of course always, "something good" will happen which somewhat relates to the "bad incident". This comforting connection justifies the relevance of this proverb. Most of the people who believe in this expression, also believe that we are all actors on a stage with predestined parts and scripts. Everything has been designed. Life is about finding the missing pieces, fixing the broken pieces, and getting rid of the pieces that don’t fit. They are not adept to abstract thinking, they find huge comfort in black and white way of thinking.

I have been asking myself some serious questions lately. Kind of keeping it real. No matter how strong your conviction are, if you have a touch of humility, you should suspect or at minimum reexamine your opinions and principles – every now and then. To keep myself in check, my personal rule has always been: if it takes you more than one minute to identify an asshole around you, then you are the asshole.

Keeping yourself in check is all about asking yourself uncompromising and hard questions. At times too much humility leads into letting others walk all over you in life. But what if one of your principles is to stay intellectually curious, socially selfless, and personally conscious!

One of the serious questions that has been swirling around my head is the question of "Do I have enough?". And by that I mean enough of everything. It’s indeed a loaded question but if one can find the answer, then bliss will follow. The question at the core is: Enough compare to what or who? It is absolutely clear that comparison and difference is hidden beneath the question. It goes back to the same majestic belief of Human Beings Always Compare. They compare parallel or different things and weigh them for their claims to be greater. These comparisons take place in multiple ways and in association with multiple groups of people such as:

  – Inner Community: Family and Friend
  – Extended Community: Neighbors, High School friends, Coworkers, Childhood pals, …
  – Some Sameness: Same city, Same Opinion, Same Hobby, Same Employer, …

I venture to say that comparison with the first and last group is simply stupid and pointless. For instance, if I’m comparing my life with my brother and sister’s, something else is profoundly wrong with my value system and life priorities. On the other hand, if I care to weigh myself against the people of the "same" category, then I have let myself down – because my life has become a pursuit of "approval of others".

I’m just thinking out loud here and the answer (if exists) seems to be getting complicated more and more … I’m continuing to think and write about this. In the meantime, I ran into an interesting and relevant piece from Bob Sutton which states:

"… This attitude fuels a quest for constant improvement that has a big upside, leading to everything from more beautiful athletic and artistic performances, to more elegant and functional products, to better surgical procedures and medicines, to more effective and humane organizations. Yet when taken too far, this blend of constant dissatisfaction, unquenchable desires, and overbearing competitiveness can damage your mental health. It can lead you to treat those "below" you as inferior creatures who are worthy of your disdain and people "above" you who have more stuff and status as objects of envy and jealousy.
Again, a bit of framing can help. Tell yourself, "I have enough." Certainly, some people need more than they have, as many people on earth still need a safe place to live, enough good food to eat, and other necessities. But too many of us are never satisfied and feel constantly slighted, even though – by objective standards – we have all we need to live a good life. I got this idea from a lovely little poem that Kurt Vonnegut published in The New Yorker called "Joe Heller," which was about the author of the renowned World War II novel Catch 22. The poem describes a party that Heller and Vonnegut attended at a billionaire’s house. Heller remarks to Vonnegut that he has something that the billionaire can never have, "The knowledge that I’ve got enough." These wise words provide a frame that can help you be at peace with yourself and to treat those around you with affection and respect …"