Guys often read in magazines and hear from female friends that women obsessively analyze and look for hidden meanings in every casual utterance that men make, but men don’t really believe it to be true. Such analysis actually scares men. For instance, when a guy dashes off "See You Soon" at the end of the conversation, the last thing in his mind is that such inconsequential note would end up being dissected in a therapy session – or discussed during three and half hours of conversation at the corner bar and over a glass of cheap rose.

The sad truth is that "see you soon" doesn’t mean anything at all. It doesn’t mean he likes you or he doesn’t like you or even that he will see you soon, or he won’t. It is a phrase that ends the conversation as meaningful as "later" or "best". It is a code to show that the message has ended. It might as well be "bye". It has no emotional or practical significance whatsoever. In that context, the true indicator of a guy’s feelings is not what formula he chooses to close his letters with, but the fact that he hasn’t called or emailed you. Men don’t really require such fine analysis. You’ll know it when a guy is asking you out, for instance. He will do it like "Would you like to have dinner with me?" or "You wanna grab a bite?" depending on who you choose to hang out with. This is as multi-layered as it gets with a half decent guy.

Human beings are obsessed with alleged reasons and pretext because such concepts provides them with means that could be comfortably and incorrectly perceived as wisdom or quality sense of judgment. The fact, however, is that alleged reasons remain to be as valid as prestidigitation or cold-reading!

I don’t know the source if this piece but I found it interesting enough to post it on my blog.

"I want to live my next life backwards!

You start out dead and get that out of the way right off the bat. Then, you wake up in a nursing home feeling better every day. When you are kicked out of the home for being too healthy, you spend several years enjoying your retirement and collecting benefit checks. When you start work, you get a gold watch on your first day. You work 40 years or so, getting younger every day until pretty soon you’re too young to work.

So then, you go to high school: play sports, date, drink, and party. As you get even younger, you become a kid again. You go to elementary school, play, and have no responsibilities. In a few years, you become a baby and everyone runs themselves ragged keeping you happy. You spend your last 9 months floating peacefully in luxury, spa-like conditions: central heating, room service on tap.

Until finally…you finish off as an orgasm."

I don’t watch entertaining movies or shows. I have never watched Star Wars, or even one Episode of Seinfield which is not to say that they can’t be entertaining. I’ve come to the conclusion that what’s valuable for me is to set standards for what I choose to watch, not to just watch any popular film. Such choice is not an end point, it is a beginning point which decries the idea that entertainment is all there is in movies.

Movies could work as a form of entertainment, but fundamentally they don’t. Because they sufficiently conform to the "pop culture", a trend I’ve strongly and passionately detested for such long time.

That being said, let me suggest some movies that provide a better idea as to what my point is:

– Smoking Aces, by: Joe Carnahan
– A Good Year, by: Ridley Scott
– Men at Work, by: Mani Haghighi
– Youth without Youth, by: Francis Ford Coppola
– Married Life, by: Ira Sacks
– Dancing with Shiva, by: Jonathan Demme
– When Did You Last See Your Father, by: Anand Tucker
– The Diving Bell and The Butterfly, by: Julian Schnabel
– The Witnesses, by: Andre Techine

Have you ever felt like life is mentally grueling on you? Sitting home whining and crying why me? Poor me! … continuing on recalling every reason that justifies: you’re the most miserable fuck in the history of mankind! You feel like you’re coming back from your own funeral!

Back in 1991 when I was a student in university of Toronto, my quantum physics professor was Mr. Richards (he insisted on being called Mr. Richards) who was from Scotland. I loved his accent when I understood what the hell he was saying. I specially loved the way he would pronounce Time as "Tame" and at times asking "Whaar’s yer boke?". He looked like a concerned fox who dressed for Star Wars convention. One day and in the middle of the semester, he expanded on twin paradox, in which a person who makes a journey into space in a high-speed rocket will return home to find they have aged less than an identical twin brother who stayed on Earth. This experiment has been verified and is confirmed by many inventions around us.

On that day and after the twin paradox class, I stopped Mr. Richard in the hallway and impishly asked "Mr. Richards, which one of the two brothers is lying?". He replied "Neither, they’re both correct in their own perspective". I continued by saying "it can’t be, we know what the facts are and we know the measurements. "Oh yeah!?" he replied and continued "That’s your perspective Kaam, and welcome to the world of many true and accurate perspectives, you young man". He then judiciously turned around and walked away thru the long hallway while was still staring straight thru my eyes and shaking his head that looked like a half crushed watermelon.

Now and after nearly sixteen years, I’m forced to remember that lesson every day. The truth is, we are unsure about the truth. Facts are subjective and depend on interpretation and perspective.

Miserable days come and go! The truth of the matter, if exists, always lies somewhere in the middle of the mess. A few things are for sure though, never believe in someone who talks about Life more than Love! Never listen to anyone who doesn’t believe in truth paradox. Never trust anyone who presses on utter bliss.

 

A relationship can span from a work association to an intimate affair. The way people end a relationship reveals deep inside who they are! If someone can deal with the ending of something with the same level of care and gentleness as the beginning of it, that will speak to a deep seeded strength and profound consideration for things that don’t necessarily benefit him or her.

Recently, I have been coming around a slew of narcissistic people with the same slapdash attitude towards surroundings and relationships. They believe in love at the first sight. They only fall in love with people who have already fallen in love with them. They end their relationships with complete ignorance toward the values they persist to necessitate … those hypocrites with ample mastery in deception.

Nothing in this world can take the place of prudence and forethought. Talent will not; nothing is more common than unsuccessful people with talent. Genius will not; unrewarded genius is almost a proverb. Education will not; the world is full of educated derelicts. Narcissistic and gum-chewing dismissal of people around us has never solved and will never solve the problems of the human race.

 

 

Do you think:

  – Most people are honest?
  – If you like someone, you should tell that person what s/he wants to hear?
  – The best way to earn someone’s respect is to be kind and honest?
  – The best way to earn someone’s loyalty is show him or her your power?
  – There are no absolute rights and wrongs. "Right" is what works?
  – Most people are extremely selfish?
  – A promise is a sacred trust?
  – Nice guys finish last?

The answers to these questions can disclose how Machiavellian you are! Machiavellian, the multifaceted propensity to deceive and manipulate others for your own gain.

"High Machs tend to take a more detached, calculating approach in their interaction with other people. They tend to believe most people are concerned only with their own well-being and to depend too much on anyone else is foolish. They believe some of the most efficient ways to achieve a goal are to use deception, rewards, promises, flattery, and even punishments to manipulate others into doing their bidding.

Low Machs tend to take a more personal, empathic approach in their interaction with other people. They tend to be more trusting of others and more honest. They believe humans are essentially good natured. At the extreme, low Machs tend to be passive, submissive, highly agreeable, dependent and socially inept; in contrast with those who are more Machiavellian, they have before also tend to believe that everyone has a good and bad side"

Are you a low or high Mach? Come on! You have some Mach in you. Don’t you?

 

I’m usually fascinated by subjects that don’t immediately urge me to place an opinion. Online dating is one of those … a few weeks ago, I had dinner with an old friend and during our long conversation she said "I’ve put a profile on one of these dating sites and I go on a lot of dates with strange guys". For some unknown reason our conversation temporarily got to a tongue-tied place after that disclosure …

… eating …
… long silence …
… eating more …
… awkward silence again …
… eating with vengeance …
… not looking at each other, but continuing to eat …
… heaving a sigh …

"Why don’t you say anything? You always have an opinion" said she! I really didn’t know what to say. I had no opinion one way or the other! She continued by asking "Have you ever dated online?" … "No" I replied and explained the reason by saying "it’s difficult for women to know me after years in relationship, how could such motionless correspondence work for me? Besides, People use ‘I’ a lot and sometimes they pretend to be someone else, and …". She didn’t like what I said and passionately challenged me by saying "Why don’t you try to write something honest about yourself that doesn’t include ‘I’ too much?"

Ever since then, I have been thinking about that petite and clumsy interaction. Mainly, I’ve been trying to find the main reason behind the silence! I could be really straight forward with her, sadly, I had nothing to say. On the one hand, there are indeed some (on-the-surface) success stories. On the other hand, there are many reservations about meeting potential lovers online.

Love by concept, is highly circumstantial and contingent. They are few and far between, but there are people out there whose introductions reflect their personality in ways which are rare, fictitious, and unique. Filled with visual appeal and literary charm, they break preconceived molds allowing the world to get a glimpse of their matchlessness and substance. I still can’t frame my mind around the subject despite the fact that there are not many things that make me happier than knowing one of my friends has found a committed lover.

That being said, I took my friend’s challenge very seriously and tried to put something together if I ever had to introduce myself online. Here it is:

((   My name is Kamran, a man who bathes every day, believes in princesses, quality women, and other fantasy creatures – but fortunately, you don’t have to kiss the frog to discover me. My understanding is that women often seem to be like phones: they like to be held and talked to, but if you press the wrong button you’ll be disconnected. Willingness to share the remote, jumping on Opera’s couch, and vacuuming the house are amongst my compromises — when in a loving relationship. Giving gifts is an incomparable gesture for me, however, it is my belief that electrical appliances, cooking utensils, or lanterns are not adequate gifts for a lover. There is indeed a mischievous inner child in me. While opening the door for you, my inner child might tempt me to trip you on the way in. Like a dream job, excellent benefits will be paid by me but you have to pay taxes. I support you like your bra, tirelessly and as long as necessary, and you better show up at my soccer games and watch me yelling at and with 22 adult men. Last not least, if we end up in a relationship, I’m willing to lie about how we met! ))

In olden times when wishing still helped us, there was a man who had let go of the big-man-theory of life. He was startling, passionate, and impatient. His identity came from within and had nothing to do with what others thought of him. For him, the only measure of a person was: one’s heart and instincts. He was gentle and keen on your emotional wounds – because he sincerely believed you learn from something that leads to a mess. He liked to live with the invisible people who pass by everyday, the ones who live in someone’s heart — not the ones in minds.

In the span of a lifetime, there are very limited number of events that have the command to make you think everyday, and by that, I mean every single day! If that’s a flaw, my imperfection comes from my vivacious memories of all that I saw from him. I guess, if we’re predestined to believe in some form of impartiality in life, I got mine from his friendship.

It is painful, and hard, to write about the loss of a cherished friend. Hamid Khaddad was just that!

 

"Conformity" implies a very interesting notion! It’s one of those concepts that can serve many topics and make them seem flawed and perfect, both at the same time! "Conformity" keeps provoking controversy and divisiveness. There are lectures that speak about "Conformity Controversy" where the argument is that: conforming to personal values holds merit — but social conformity, well, complicated!

Those who benefit most from normalcy and routine are naturally the most interested in stagnation, and they always try to seek allies in the traditional and established arrangements. Sometimes conformity is because of lack of courage. Many people suppress their ideas, hopes, and dreams because they’re afraid to stand out and draw attention to themselves. Conformity always includes a threat of punishment if you fail to fit in, whether it comes from ridicule, being ignored by others, or direct confrontation.

In today’s society, mainstream and pop culture are the forces of conformity. These elements vehemently spread and defend the notion of "more is better" — whether "more" means more money, greater power, or better social status. Being who and what you are is the most natural thing there is. To suppress it, whether through fear, yielding to social norms, or lack of confidence in your own ability always leads to trouble. That’s why millions of people today lead lives of frustration and desperation. They denied who they are in the hope that they would be rewarded by conforming to cushy social routines. Unexpectedly, their reward was mediocrity, depression and a nagging sense of hopelessness.

In such environment, a subgroup of conformists rebel out here and there – and want to be different. They call themselves non-conformists but they are just maladjusted to status quo. Outstanding thinkers and intellectuals are alike in two things: they’re usually non-conformists on an epic scale, and they display a deep trust in the basic goodness, intelligence, and capacity for development of their fellow human beings.

In my view, conformity implies a fundamental mistrust of others. I believe there’s a more fundamental power behind the urgency with which authoritarian popularity seeks to suppress individuality. That power is lack of trust.

" … For as long as humans have existed, non-conformists have had a rough time! Society seems to need and fear non-conformists in equal measure. The forces of the status quo have always been strong. So when society forces you into a bland or acceptable mold, you naturally turn elsewhere to find an outlet to maintain your own uniqueness. For a very tiny group, that’s what matters most! Only those with the courage openly to live their dreams can ever hope to find lasting satisfaction with their lives. After all, mediocrity and inner frustration are the true price of conforming … "

Last Saturday, I pensively walked into the Silver Platters store in downtown Seattle hoping to find the new album from Keane. The place, which has zillions of CD racks, looks like the creepy warehouse in Sopranos where James Gandolfini (Soprano) and Tony Sirico (Paulie) go to whack one of Johnny Sack’s guys.

In a bedazzled and trancelike moment, while listening to a groovy background song from Chris Rea, something surreal popped into my head. I thought, if music says things that words cannot, what are those things? They have to have something to do with our most intimate experiences and deepest feelings. Looking at the CD racks, I overdramatically thought how many hearts have been broken for these many track? Who betrayed who? Who lost a dear one? Who’s had a thorny upbringing? Who’s been mad, sad, or frustrated? Who’s in love? Who fell out of love? Who’s about to fall in love? Who’s in pain as a result of others’ pain?

Like every other aspects of our lives these things are hard to define. Love, hate, betrayal, deception, birth, infidelity, and loss of a dear one will introduce experiences of such effects – where one can only express his/her stance and posture thru the harmony of inner voices from a sea of possibilities. Music has a long pedigree of transforming individuals, I don’t relate to people who take it absentmindedly!

Even Paulie liked good music.